The Phoenix Diaries: The Chapter Where They Say You're Brilliant And Still Don't Choose You
Getting close hurts. Being praised and passed over hurts differently. This is the grief of almost and the power hidden inside it.
Phoenix Diaries
Personal stories of transformation, heartbreak, and rebuilding from ground zero.
Top 4 out of 110.
I read the email twice. Then once more, as if the third time might include a plot twist.
Top four.
That’s almost.
The interviews were easy. Suspiciously easy. We talked for nearly an hour. Laughed. Swapped ideas. One of them leaned back and said, “You’re a really great writer.”
Another told me I was natural on camera. Warm. The kind of presence people want to be around.
I nearly looked behind me to see who they were describing.
Then came the line.
Overqualified.
I sat there blinking at the screen.
Overqualified for the thing I’m building from scratch.
There’s something comical about being at the beginning of your writing life and being told you might get bored.
I’ve sold a house. Ended a marriage. Packed my life into suitcases. Started again. Trust me, I’m not bored.
Another role. Different room. Same tone.
Strong creatively. Great fit. Impressive background.
And still.
No.
That’s the heartache.
“You’re excellent.”
“We’re going another direction.”
It lands in the body before the brain can spin it.
Chest tight. Jaw clenched. Shoulders creeping up like they’re bracing for impact.
There’s a flare of ego. Quick and hot.
How can I be exactly what you want and still not be the choice?
I close the laptop. Open it again. As if the decision might feel different the second time.
It doesn’t.
There’s a moment where retreat feels tempting. Pull the applications. Park the pitches. Become mysterious and unavailable.
Then I remember.
Top 4 out of 110.
You reach that room because your work holds weight.
And that’s the piece I’m holding.
Rejection, in this season, looks a lot like visibility.
My work is being read. My name is being said out loud in rooms I’m not in. My application isn’t getting skimmed. It’s getting discussed.
That doesn’t erase the sting.
Getting close hurts in a specific way. You can see the door. You can feel the handle. Then it clicks shut.
My mind starts acting the maggot.
Maybe I should shrink my experience. Maybe I should edit myself down. Maybe I should be less strategic. More strategic. Louder. Quieter.
At this point, I don’t know my arse from my elbow.
I let the spiral run for a minute. Then I sit with it.
This is the in-between life. The bit where the old identity is gone and the new one hasn’t fully solidified. Of course it’s tender. Of course every “no” echoes louder when you’re building something new.
What I know:
If I can reach the final four, I belong in the arena.
If someone can speak to me for an hour and see value, I’m not pretending.
If I’m being called overqualified, my range is visible.
I am visible.
And visibility feels risky when you’re used to hiding in competence.
The real question isn’t why they didn’t choose me. The real question is what I do with being seen.
Because if I keep stepping forward, keep applying, keep pitching, keep refining my craft, the pattern shifts eventually.
And in the meantime, I get to practice something harder than confidence.
Gratitude.
I was considered and seen. I got to shine for a moment.
If you’ve ever been praised and passed over, you know this feeling. It sits in your chest and asks, “Now what?”
Here’s my answer…at least for today.
I keep going, because I can see myself more clearly each time I step into the room.
If they don’t choose me, fine.
They still had to see me first.
And once you’ve been seen, you don’t shrink back into the shadows.
Tell me…
If you’ve ever been told you’re brilliant and still not picked, what did you do with that ache?
Top 4 is outstanding! Your disappointment could be someone else's dream. I loved how you shared your emotional journey here.
If we’re being honest, I sulked a bit :) Then was thankful months later when I landed something way better, something I wouldn’t have been open for had the first thing worked out. Good reminder!